Mais bon, laissons le texte qui m'a frustré de côté, je vous propose plutôt celui-ci de Brian Cormier...
Who needs all that hoity-toity stuff, anyway?
Well, it seems that some people in Ottawa want to reopen the same-sex marriage debate. Apparently,someone has finally decided to crack down on the gangs of roving gay recruitment agents that have fanned out across the country since same-sex marriage legislation was enacted last year. And I say it's about time!
The horror stories since same-sex marriage was legalized are too numerous to mention. Kidnapped right off the streets, boys are being forced to watch The View and Martha Stewart in an effort to chip away at their heterosexuality, while girls are having their makeup confiscated and given flannel shirts as part of their
mandatory nouveau-lesbian uniforms.
Since the gays took over, the CBC's Peter Mansbridge has been ordered to read the news with a severe lisp. His new sign-off? "That'th all the newth for tonight, ya big bunch o' Canadian thithieth!" (Heterosexual translation: "That's all the news for tonight, you big bunch of Canadian sissies!") Meanwhile, over at CTV, Lloyd
Robertson has had his toupee dyed pink and is being forced to read the news shirtless. (By the way, the rainbow-flag nipple rings are a nice touch, Lloyd.)
And if I see one more story about a clergyman being sued for not wanting to perform a same-sex marriage, I'll just cry. First, a bunch of them go to jail because of all those lying altar boys and now this! When will the persecution end? And have you heard that the civil service is on a massive hiring binge since it was gutted when
all those officials who didn't want to perform same- sex civil marriages were fired? Seeing them all in line at the soup kitchens is heartbreaking.
It's really too bad that same-sex marriage was rammed through Parliament. I mean, how much debate was allotted? Only a few hundred hours? And only a few years worth of front-page headlines in newspapers across the country? Rammed through, I tell ya!
And what about all those silly court decisions by those high-falootin' judges with their fancy university degrees who consulted that mysterious cult-like document called "the constitution"? What is this crazy "constitution", anyway? We must get rid of it before it damages Canadian society even more deeply.
I mean, what's next? Fair trials? Women voting? Same-sex marriage is a scourge on the world much like AIDS is on Africa. The pope certainly has the right idea when he defends the rights of two toothless heterosexual rejects from The Jerry Springer Show to get married for the sole purposes of collecting a larger welfare cheque for their brood of illegitimate children, while protecting society from the marriage of two same-sex professionals with high-salaried jobs who pay lots of taxes and want to provide a loving and stable home to adopted children who were abandoned by their straight parents. The world is a safer place because of that, let me tell you.
I fully support the pope's stance on AIDS in Africa, too. Condoms should not be used to save lives. Condoms are for heathens who have sex for pleasure. Sex is for
procreation only. It's much better to have all those poor people in Africa die off early rather than be healthy and contribute to society.
At least they died knowing that they didn't have to sell their soul to the devil for a pack of evil condoms. I'm fully hoping the government will adhere to the pope's wishes and outlaw condoms in Canada, too. After all, if you have sex, you deserve to get pregnant. Well, the ladies deserve to get pregnant. The guys can just run off and do whatever they want afterwards.
That's the way it was in the good ol' days and that's the way it should be today!
When the Defense of Religions Act is brought in, I really want to see it expanded.
If I'm a civil servant and I don't like the look of your face, I should have the right not to serve you. If you have red hair, you are surely possessed and should be burned at the stake like redheads were back in Salem. Begone! If you write with your left hand, you are surely mentally deficient. And don't even get me started on the blacks, the natives and the disabled.
Yes, sir! I'm some happy about that Defense of Religions Act! We've gone so far the other way with those new-fangled human rights that it's high time to bring some sanity back to the way this country is being run. Let's get rid of that pesky Supreme Court and their hoity-toity constitutional interpretations. Who needs them?
When the Defense of Religions Act is eventually proclaimed after being voted on in the middle of the night when no one is paying attention, Canadians will be proud that their government acted swiftly and judiciously to ensure that those nasty human rights didn't get in the way of prejudice, intolerance and hatred. Surely, the Act will be the impetus that evangelical zealots in this country have been looking for in order to fill their church pews again with the faithful . . . at least the ones who avoided getting carted off to those gay recruitment camps.
In the meantime, though, we'll just have to put up with poor old pink-haired Lloyd Robertson . . . shirtless . . . senile . . . and badly in need of a bikini wax.
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